Surprise... there aren't any gags this year!

Earlier this week, Aaron and I were debating on what prank we were going to play on you, our readers for this year’s “April Fools Day”, and in our discussion we make a silent agreement… lets not!

It’s not that we didn’t have any good ideas such as transforming TIE into a NASCAR web page for the Indy500, or a hidden Easter Egg game where there are no Easter-eggs to search for… or posting that Aaron had “fired” me and had brought on Left-wing lunatic Michael Moore as my replacement.

I was going to write a long rant about “the plot” of Jones 4 that “someone” from Lucasfilm had sent me. I was going to be praising it as having the greatest potential and could be the best movie ever while having Jones kidnapped by spider men from Mars, it’s leader played by David Bowie, and N*SYNC having cameo’s in this one since they never made into Attack of The Clones... I was going to throw in every ridiculous thing possible... such as the script crammed full of fart and poop jokes with Ahmed Best signing on as the sidekick from Jamaica.

In the end, we figured that it would take too much time and instead of everyone getting a good laugh, we would just look stupid and folks would assume that we don’t take this website seriously. That isn’t true, we take this website VERY seriously. Almost too seriously...

Instead, I thought that I would just address the foolish issues on April First and move on. Here’s a random detailed list of the modern issues in society that cheese me off, enjoy!

Excrement of an Adult Male Bovine or Fish Stories.

Our lives are complicated enough, but there are some folks who have to embellish their stories and “juice” or “sex” them up. Even worse, there are some folks who have make problems worse then they really are or make up some work of fiction to get attention.

I pride myself in being honest as I can in an environment where anonymity is easy. I don’t understand the point of telling people things that aren’t true. I understand wanting to make things sound more exciting than they really are, but why say something that isn’t based on truth or is an outright lie?

If you want to make your life sound more exciting than it really is, I understand that. But making up stories about things you’ve never done is something else entirely... That sets yourself up to be caught and then becoming untrustworthy in the future.

If you feel the need to make your life more exciting than it really is, I’ll offer the same advice as I’ve given before. (See the next segment on repeating the same advice over and over again.) You’re life needs more excitement - shut the TV and the computer off and go out and actually DO something!

Don’t Reject Help From Above.

There are desperate people who ask for advice, then reject the advice you give him or her… then later, they ask you again for advice for the same problem. Classic example: someone told me they felt lost, alone and depressed and then asked me what they should do. My answer was that it’s a long process, but some of those answers can be at least addressed by finding and attending a good church first. I get my advice thrown back in my face... only to be asked later for more advice for the same problem... “I’m still lonely and depressed.” Again I suggest seeking God for your answers and ask if they have found a church of their own yet? “Religion is a personal choice, don’t push it... now what can I do about my loneliness and my depression?”

Somehow... many people seem to think that if you ask the same question over and over again they will get a different answer each time, isn’t that a sign of insanity? No matter how many times I’ve been asked, “Two plus two” it has always equaled four. I concede that some circumstances require different approaches, but for anyone who asks for help with understanding what their purpose is and what the meaning of their lives is, I will continue with the same answer.

The answer of gathering material things is only a short-term answer, and pharmaceuticals only offer chemical dependence and perhaps addiction. The solution to many of our issues begin and end with a faith and belief in a loving God who’s already provided the answers all we have to do is except.

The Junk-Food Information Age

I get irritated when people profess to be knowledgeable about current events but only quote the same source. There are those folks who seem to think that news reporting begins and ends with a single news organization such as NPR, or with a pundit-commentator that seems to believe everyone on one side of the debate is always correct while the opposite side is wrong and deceitful. There are folks who get all their news only from celebrity websites such as Dave Matthew’s or Barbara Streisand and not from real news organizations. These are people who don’t have an opinion even worth listening to because their opinion is based on an entertainer who’s major talent is delivering a line or playing a guitar better than the rest of us… yet they have never held a public office.

The most valued opinions come from people who actually understand the issues - even if that sounds like self-evident statement. The simple truth is that in this day and age it’s becoming harder to be informed about the current issues… instead we rely on the information to be processed for us by agencies or pundits with their own agenda’s. Knowing how hard this might be, I still suggest that many of us shun this way of getting our news and do what we can do get the news from more than one reliable source.

Which leads me to this...

Entitlement and Opinion

I could have written this segment with my eyes closed: there’s a misconception that in this day an age you have the right to say what ever you want with absolute impunity. The incorrect but popular interpretation of the Bill of Rights (or the other nationalities equivalent) is belief that you can state your opinion no matter how controversial and you don’t have to answer for it… and if someone challenges your opinion: that’s wrong! Too many people believe that Freedom of Speech is a one-way street.

What ever it is that you have to believe is true just so you can get through the day; believe it. But don’t be surprised when you proclaim something as being true and it alienates other people and you hear back from them.

People are so afraid of debate or to have their thoughts or ideas challenged, which is perhaps an ill side effect of Political Correctness - an Orwellian cancer on society. If someone has an opinion that is based in nothing more than gut feelings with no facts or CONTRADICTS the facts and can’t stomach a debate, the canned reply is always supposed to work: “Well, that’s just my opinion” or “What’s true for you isn’t necessary true for me.” For me, that doesn’t fly.

‘Netspeak’ You Can Roll With.

One of the trends I’ve been noticing is the use by most teens and a few adults to converse on the Internet of what I call “Cyber-Speak”, abbreviations for those chatting on Instant Messenger programs such as AIM or MSN. I’m talking about using abbreviations such as “u” for the word “you”, “r” for the word “are”, and of course the third most obvious “y” for the word “why”. Also equally as lazy and obnoxious is the number “2” for words “To” or “Too”.

Furthermore, there’s the sudden lack of punctuation and capitalization. When reading some of the posts on all the forums I frequent, I’m noticing there are endless run-on sentences and it’s hard to decipher when an idea or a statement begins and ends.

Troubling is how this “cyber-shorthand” or “Net Speak” is now finding its way into pop-culture. One of the International Burger franchises has a new Ad-Campaign using the words, “ill roll with it”… all lower-case and no punctuation… sending out the message to kids that it’s ok to be lazy, it’s even hip and cool to do so.

As I already wrote, I’m also seeing that “Net-Speak” is finding it’s way into public forums so that everyone in the world with a computer and internet access can read it… perhaps causing international embarrassment for the writer. From the title of a new forum thread to the context. As a result, I tend to ignore and skip what’s written.

“NetSpeak” is just being lazy… not taking the extra few seconds to write the actual words. It’s advertising to the world that you don’t care what people think of your intelligence or that you’re time is too precious to write everything out correctly and we should be privileged to have been graced by your presence.

Furthermore, in the atmosphere of Political Correctness you’re almost prohibited from saying anything to combat this… trying to help someone out and point out why NetSpeak is wrong is akin to be too judgmental and being a villain by imposing your lofty standards onto other people.te or to have their thoughts or ideas challenged, which is perhaps an ill side effect of Political Correctness - an Orwellian cancer on society. If someone has an opinion that is based in nothing more than gut feelings with no facts or CONTRADICTS the facts and can’t stomach a debate, the canned reply is always supposed to work: “Well, that’s just my opinion” or “What’s true for you isn’t necessary true for me.” For me, that doesn’t fly.

You have a right and you’re entitled to your opinion… but if you insist on sharing it: you should at least have the courage of your convictions to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t weasel out of a debate about your beliefs with a curt “I’m entitled to my opinion”. Be willing and able to back up those beliefs. you want with absolute impunity. The incorrect but popular interpretation of the Bill of Rights (or the other nationalities equivalent) is belief that you can state your opinion no matter how controversial and you don’t have to answer for it… and if someone challenges your opinion: that’s wrong! Too many people believe that Freedom of Speech is a one-way street.

The Raiders Connection

One of the reasons why I’m such a huge Jones fan is that this character is Nonsense and Foolishness-free. Even though the man has moments of humor, he’s still a man of action who has the perfect balance of action and wit. The most definitive moment in the Jones Trilogy is the basket chase scene in Cairo when Jones confronts the Arab in black wielding a sword. Although not originally scripted this way and cut due to Mr. Ford’s health reasons, Jones just pulls out his sidearm and drops the swordsman. Perfect example of no nonsense and no fooling around.

Everything about Jones is Nonsense-free, from the writing of the script, the way the motion picture was filmed and to the content of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. There isn’t a wasted frame or a wasted piece of dialogue. Granted, there are a few lines that fans have lingered over and wondered about the double meanings… but because of Lawrence Kasdan’s script, every exchange is tight and well worded. With a few lines, we learn about characters and their history in a short amount of time, but with rich detail. The other two episodes: Temple of Doom and Last Crusade are very similar to this regard… but not to the same extent as the original.

The reason why I wrote this rant is because I’m asking folks to actually be more real and honest. If there’s too much nonsense in your life, get rid of it. If you feel that things aren’t right, change it. If you’re bored, get out and do something. Jones is the absolute perfect cinematic role model… If something needs to get done, just do it. No fooling.

Have an opinion? Want to ask questions, or comment on this week's rant? Email Mr. Fisk him self: renderking@theindyexperience.com.

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